Are you a hermit gay or outgoing gay?

Literally a hermit because I have always feared rejection by men because I am not goodlooking but now I feel I may be hideous looking. I wasted too much time in my younger years when people were interested in meeting me online because I feared rejection and don't take it well. But now I can see that compared to how I look now, I didn't look too bad. I just hope I can fix my looks like cosmetic surgery. I am only 31 but I feel more like 81.